Keepin' it Real

Lately, so many different thoughts have been going through my mind!  I have been itching to blog but haven't been able to find the time.  I entitled this blog "keepin it real" because I feel lately I really have been getting in touch with who I really am.  I have been trying to stay true to myself and to others; to be a true friend.  The longer I am sober, the more I realize that in the past I was trying to be so many things I was NOT.  And although certain things from my past will always make up a small part of who I am, I no longer am hiding behind a false identity or lifestyle.  I feel like I am finally getting in touch with the real me.  Life really is a process of self discovery.

The other day I picked up the guitar and played/sang some songs I had written about 10 years ago.  I felt great.  Then I turned on some Benny Benassi and danced for about an hour (9 months pregnant).  And then I cleaned and did some laundry and surfed some home design/organizational blogs.  But the best part of my day was that night when David and I read scriptures together and talked about faith.  This past week we were studying faith (both on our own), and then we discussed with each other what we had found at the end of the week.  It was one of the best/uplifting conversations I have had in a long time, and I am very thankful to be married to him.

Some of my recent epiphanies: 

A) I don't have to drink or do drugs to be creative OR HAVE FUN.

B) I can still dance and be sexy even though it may not be up in some club in Scottsdale.  Just for my husband. ;)

C) And I can most importantly be all the things that I am while still having the same faith and growing spiritually.  And ultimately, this is my rock; where my true happiness and peace resides.

I used to and still sometimes do worry that I won't be "accepted" or that I am different...especially at church. But the more and more I press forward and grow, I realize I am definitely different...and that's okay.  Other people are too...they just hide it better than I do. :)

I am a Martha Stewart rocker girl, with a sprinkle of gangsta and sarcasm, OCD gogo dancer ???, children loving, design loving, housekeeping loving, mother, & MORMON.

I make no sense.  Really, I KNOW.  But this is ME.  And for the first time in my life I feel like I am really starting to love myself for being WHO I AM.  And I mean that in a totally NON egocentric way.  So I am going to continue on in this "quest" of self discovery and also continue on "keepin it real."

Maybe I don't really make sense...even to myself sometimes.  But I know that my Heavenly Father loves me, knows me personally, and understands me better than I understand myself.  I am so grateful for this.  And for the opportunity to make changes in my life where they were necessary.  And for the unconditional loving husband I have been blessed with who held my hand the entire way (and still is).  Love ya babe!